Conversation in back of car by ds1 (10yrs) and ds2 (7yrs).
Ds1: So what's that then? (pointing at the long package in the car)
Ds2: It's an atomic missile
Me: Er, no actually it's my weed supressant material for the allotment
Ds1: Do you know what atomic means?
Ds2: Er, yeah. It means...explosion.
Ds1: No it doesn't.
Ds2: It means radiation...
Ds2: ...that explodes the world
Ds1: No it doesn't explode the whole world. It just wipes it out.
Ds1: Like a really big fart.
Conversation in the bathroom, me and dd1 (age 5).
Dd: You know what I do when I'm having a bad dream?
Dd: I kill myself.
Me: Well that doesn't sound very nice.
Dd: Well you know it's only a dream Mummy.
Me:I guess so. So does it help?
Dd:Yes, but the trouble is that I just end up in another bad dream...